My mother is a woman. So is yours.
A woman who has fallen in and out of love and made good and bad choices about men. She is also the woman who split her life in thirds and gave me the majority, to make sure I had a better life than she.
The mother - son relationship is probably the most evolving relationship a man can have. For the fellas: Have you looked at a woman you're dating in awe thinking "How the hell did my mother jump in your body and start talking to me?!" Or are you the opposite like my cousin – who at first sight of any familiarity to his mom (i.e. skin color) sends him running for the hills?
As a man, seeing a bit of your mother in a woman you’re attracted to is a cool thing. It's natural. Dating your mother all over again, however, screams: ISSUES! Why? Because if a man doesn’t get his relationship right with mom – and lot of brothas don’t – he’ll end up searching for her in the dating pool and that may not be the right match.
In some Eastern philosophies it is believed that we incarnate on Earth to work out karmas of past lifetimes with other souls. And until we do, we are doomed to repeat that lesson with that soul/personality type over and over until the lesson – patience, humility, respect, etc. – is learned.
I like this Karma thing. And it works out well for mothers and sons. Not only do you get to work out your shit (and trust me so does mom -- times two; because some of us are "just like yo damn daddy!") but you get to do it with someone who loves you unconditionally. I know this from personal experience.
Once I learned how to clip the apron strings and have a healthy, respectful relationship with my mother with boundaries, the kind of woman I attracted began to change. Like life in a video game, I had leveled up.
Don’t get me wrong. My mother was my homie growing up and it was hard to lose being "mama’s only baby son." But it’s better being the man my mother created.
P.S. Happy 70th Mom and Happy Mother's Day!
Ayinde Howell is a Chef, Author and Playwright living in LA. His latest project is The Lusty Vegan, a Cookbook and Relationship Manifesto for Vegans and Those Who Love Them. Find it presale on Amazon now. You can find more vegan gems on his site, www.ieatgrass.com. (P.S. His Mac & Yease is the TRUTH!)